American Idol Blog — April 21, 2010

With the mammoth, bloated two-hour “Idol Gives Back” in front of us, I am hereby vowing to inversely keep this blog short.

We can look forward to musical acts, comedic sketches, emotional videotaped reports from around the world and, oh yes, an actual elimination of an Idol contestant (if they go through with it).

Highlights of the night include…

Queen Latifah co-hosting the event. She’s always a jovial, go-to gal for these types of situations.

The entire Top 12 contestants are back for group sing — including Paige Miles, Didi Benami, Andrew Garcia and that red-headed gal whose name I’ve forgotten.

Obnoxious Brit comedian Russell Brand and slightly less obnoxious American comedian Jonah Hill are doing a phone bank schtick that clearly was taped days or weeks ago. It’s bizarre seeing the horrid Octomom and her kids held up as some sort of celebrities — even if it is all part of a joke.

Other celebs who appear on my TV screen include:
Jennifer Garner
Victoria Beckham
Todd Bridges (of Different Strokes!!!)
Captain Sully Sullenberger
George Lopez
Justin Bieber
Josh Grobin
David Duchovny
Jim Carrey
Wanda Sykes
…and many more.

I skimmed through most of the musical acts.

I did watch the Black Eyed Peas perform “Rock Your Body.” What a mess! I’m not sure if it is the sound system, but they sound horrible. The song is pretty weak too, with no melody at all. However, the dancing women made up to resemble 1960 Japanese movie robots are pretty cool.

The performance I liked best came from my beloved Carrie Underwood, who showed what real star power is when she sang “Change” from her latest album. The song perfectly fit the uplifting them of the night and Carrie has become the consummate professional.

Other performances that I gave half-attention to include Joss Stone and Jeff Beck, a combo of Mary J. Blige, Orianthe, Randy Jackson (yes, that Randy Jackson) and others and Elton John dragging out “Your Song” for the 10,000th time.

Oh, and Annie Lennox rocks a stage and a t-shirt. Love her.

Finally, at various points during the show, Ryan slowly announces which Idolettes are safe and which are the Bottom 3.

Crystal Bowersox — Safe. No doubt. She was superior on Tuesday.

Casey James — Bottom 3. Also no doubt. His rigid stage persona and boring performances are catching up with him.

Aaron Kelly — Bottom 3. No surprise.

Lee Dewyze — Safe. Many are now predicting a Crystal-Lee final in May.

Siobhan Magnus — Safe. For now. But if she doesn’t recapture her early buzz, she’ll be gone soon.

Michael Lynche — Safe. Double clamshell hand wave at the audience, you smug giant. Why not just blow kisses to everyone?

Tim Urban — Bottom 3. After two strong weeks, Tim has returned to his usual spot on the Barstools of Doom.

And when the big reveal happens — it’s Tim going home. I am a bit surprised. Not that he doesn’t deserve to leave. His voice is mediocre at best. I just thought his swooning fans would take him another week or two, especially with what I considered weaker performances from Casey and Aaron. Oh well — Tim, you had a good ride.

The real shocker at this moment is that Idol has gone well over it’s alloted time and poor Tim gets screwed for it. They barely have time to show his farewell montage under the closing credits and there’s no time for a final song at all.

I’ve got a big issue with that. The swan song is an Idol castoff’s last chance to really show fans and record producers what he or she can do and how they react to adversity. Tim needed that shot and I hope they bring him back next week for his own, personal finale.

Until next time… have a great week!

American Idol Blog — April 20, 2010

Brace yourself, America. It’s “Idol Gives Back” week. Yes, the millions raised do incalculable good around the world. But the process of getting there — wading through boundless slo-mo montages of impoverished kids, listening to a multitude of heart-string strumming tales of woe and watching an appeal from every C list celebrity that walked within a hundred yards of the Idol studio — it’s a marathon, my friends.

But tonight, it’s still about the singing. Alicia Keys is the mentor. Inspirational songs is the theme. No more needs be said.

=====

Casey James, “Don’t Stop”

Grade: D

My Take: Right off the bat, Casey’s normally smooth vocals sound rough and off. It’s not pleasant. He has no energy on stage. Yes, he’s smiling and seems charming, but he just stands there behind the microphone barely moving. I’ve been complaining about this for weeks and clearly Casey is ignoring me, because he’s not really changing it up at all. Ultra boring!

Judges: Randy says it was good, but every week we are seeing the same thing. Ellen says now is the time to be great and that wasn’t great. Kara says she frustrated because Casey didn’t show us how he is different. Simon says the song was not inspiring and there was no emotion. Casey’s possibly in danger this week.

=====

Lee Dewyze, “The Boxer”

Grade: B

My Take: I am biased going in because I am a HUGE Simon and Garfunkel fan and this song is one of my favorites. As Lee launches into it, my immediate reaction is that his vocals don’t sound quite as good as I hoped. Nevertheless, the deeper he gets into the song, the more I like it. He’s changed up the melody and added some compelling runs. The “la, la, las” go on a bit — I wish he had used more of the song’s powerful words, but overall, I was captivated by this performance.

Judges: Randy says he thinks Lee is going to have a great career. Ellen says it was a beautiful song choice and says it was the best performance by far (what? out of the two who have performed so far?). Kara says this was Lee’s “moment” and that he was clearly connected to the song. Simon says it was sincere, emotional and inspirational and calls the performance “brilliant.”

=====

Tim Urban, “Better Days”

Grade: C

My Take: Poor Tim. I have found myself rooting for him more and more in recent weeks as his performances have improved. Call it the classic “root for the underdog” syndrome. However, tonight Tim is off-key from the first note and he struggles to find his way back for nearly the entire song. Yes, he comes close on the chorus and yes, the song gets stronger as it goes on. However, it’s a far weaker performance than last week’s “Can’t Help Falling in Love.”

Judges: Randy says it was like OK karaoke and it just laid there. Ellen compares it to soup and says she didn’t like the soup. Kara says it wasn’t the performance from Tim. Simon says it was a little bit of a let down.

=====

Aaron Kelly, “I Believe I Can Fly”

Grade: D

My Take: This is an over-rated song performed by a teen with a voice that can’t match up to the song’s hyped reputation. In other words, that performance blew. (Sorry, Judy.) Little Aaron’s voice is nice, but nowhere near big enough to make that song soar. When something that treacle-y doesn’t soar, then it thuds and that’s what happens. Even on the big notes at the end, Aaron sounded thin and tinny. Aaron — your time has come. Pack your bags.

Judges: Randy says he did a good job with a giant song. Ellen says he handled a tough song “real good.” Kara says it took awhile to take off, he eventually got there. Simon says if he heard that on the radio, he would have turned it off in 10 seconds.

=====

Siobhan Magnus, “When You Believe”

Grade: B

My Take: I feel like I should have been more wowed by that than I was. As in week’s past, I can’t stand Siobhan’s low singing voice. She continually starts out low and slow and her voice is mannish and grating. It’s only when she hits the big chorus on these ballads that she starts to come alive. Yes, the second half of the song was quite solid and her vocals were impressive, but I had already lost interest after the boring first half. On a positive, I love her crazy wardrobe tonight, including the knee-high gladiator sandals and the butterflies on her arm. Love her style, but she needs to step up and change up her song choices for me to climb back on the Siobhan bandwagon.

Judges: Randy says it was a terribly tough song and it was just OK for him. Ellen disagrees. Kara says it may have been really well sung, but it was too dramatic and she still doesn’t know who Siobhan is. Simon thinks it was the wrong song choice and it was all over the place.

=====

Michael Lynche, “Hero”

Grade: B

My Take: Not my favorite Big Mike performance. First off, I thought he was going to sing Mariah’s song “Hero” so it took me awhile to figure out it was the Nickelback song. My confusion aside, Mike’s vocals were fine, but the whole song had a fakeness to it, like this is not a song Mike would ever sing in real life. It wasn’t authentic, to cop a word from the Idol judges.

Judges: Randy says Big Mike held his own with the song. Ellen says great job. Kara says his voice didn’t have the right tone and it was unrecognizable. Simon says Mike sang it pretty well, but the song is from the movie “Spiderman” and not inspirational.

=====

Crystal Bowersox, “People Get Ready”

Grade: A

My Take: Best performance by Crystal this season, hands down. And I was already saying that before she broke down sobbing at the end. Sans guitar, Crystal starts out alone with no band or back up singers — just her diamond tough but clear voice cutting across the stage. It’s chill-inducing. Even when the music starts, she still commands the stage like a seasoned pro. I would buy that song, that album today.

Judges: Randy gives her a standing ovation. Ellen says she looks beautiful. Kara says she just schooled all the other contestants. Simon says that was inspirational and she sang it fantastically and it was better than all the other songs of the night.

=====

So here’s how I would rank ‘em:

TOP TIER
Crystal — possibly the best performance of the season. Bonus points for looking beautiful and that funky blown glass mic stand.
Lee — a few bobbles, but classic song choice and re-arranged melody set this one apart.

MIDDLE TIER
Mike — not terrible, not great. Should be safe, but then again that’s what we thought two weeks ago when he was almost eliminated.
Siobhan — she’s really starting to bore me. Each song sounds the same and I’m tired of the earnest looks while singing warmed over power ballads. The bloom is off this rose.
Tim — a step back for the Comeback Kid. Will his million watt smile and his hordes of teen fans keep him alive to the Top 6? I wouldn’t bet against him.

BOTTOM TIER
Aaron — his “sell by” date passed several weeks ago and he’s starting to stink up the Idol stage.
Casey — charming smile, great licks on the guitar, but uninspired song choices and a wooden stage presence have made Casey my personal top choice for elimination.

One more note before I let you go — last week, magazines and blogs across the U.S. blew up with stories about how out of control Ryan Seacrest was behaving. Bad jokes, haranguing the contestants, challenging the judges and all-around rudeness and wackiness. So did anyone notice that tonight, Ryan was a changed man. He was the perfect choir boy during a visit from the local bishop — even making nice and exchanging a high-five with Simon. Glad you got the message, Ryan!

See you Wednesday night, all.

American Idol Blog — April 14, 2010

While we wait for the 60-minute, double elimination show to begin, did everyone hear that Ricky Minor is leaving Idol for “The Tonight Show.” Idol’s own leader of the band will take over the musical duties on Jay Leno’s show in June. Not sure this makes any difference in the world at all, but thought I would mention it.

On with the show, which promises a big Adam Lambert performance as well as something from Season 7 fave Brooke White. Also, there will be something by Jason Gaston (who?). A quick Google search shows that Gaston is part of some Idol-related web show aimed at finding more musical stars. He also briefly dated teen star Miley Cyrus, which doesn’t bode well for his brainpower.

We sit through an Elvis medley with the nine remaining Idol contestants as well as their obligatory Ford commercial (which seems to be getting less creative and less interesting every week).

Finally, it’s time to dim the lights.

Ryan has Andrew, Aaron and Casey come down to the center of the stage. They no sooner get there than Ryan experiences premature elimination by abruptly telling Andrew it’s the end of the road.

Aaron and Casey are hustled back to the Sofas of Safety while Andrew sings his farewell song. To just put a big, ol’ exclamation point on his dismissal, Andrew chooses not to sing one of his highlights, such as “Forever” or “Straight Up.” Instead, he pulls out “You Give Me Something,“ a boring snooze of a song he sang to mixed results back on March 2. Here’s what I wrote that night: “For the first time, Garcia’s voice bugs me. I don’t like the sound of it during much of this song.” That goes double for tonight. Rather than go out on a strong note, Andrew sounds defeated and the song is a mess.

From a strategery standpoint, Andrew going home is no surprise. He’s been weak — generally — for weeks now. However, Aaron was widely expected to be the other contestant cut this week. The fact that he is safe throws open the door and suddenly Idol wannabes such as Katie Stevens and Tim Lambert are in danger.

Throughout the show, we are reminded that next week is the big philanthropic “Idol Gives Back” event. Color me jaded, but I am not looking forward to yet another celebrity telethon. Although one can’t argue with the tens of millions raised to help those in need. In honor of Idol Gives Back, next week’s theme is “inspirational songs” and the guest mentor is Alicia Keyes. That line-up is like televised Tylenol PM. Zzzzz.

Brooke takes the stage for a musical interlude, playing the piano and singing her little heart out. She sounds as good as I remember. She also has a recent album out that is getting solid reviews, not that I have heard any of it. Brooke is joined on the Idol stage by one Justin Gaston. He seems to be playing the guitar and he is gamely singing along to the song, but he exhibits no star power whatsoever. All he’s doing is detracting from Brooke.

On with the eliminations…

Ryan has whole bottom row come down to the stage — Lee, Siobhan, Katie, Mike, Crystal, Tim.

Crystal is declared safe and, to celebrate, she whips out a tiny harmonica on a chain around her neck and plays a few bleats. Instead of looking gracious that she has survived another week, she looks frivolous and silly. I wish she hadn’t done that.

Siobhan is safe. Lee is safe. This leaves Tim, Mike and Katie. Considering Tim had his best night ever and Mike came back strong from near elimination last week, my money is on Katie. She’s cute. She’s got some pipes. But she is no American Idol.

Adam Lambert takes the stage to sing his latest single “Whatya Want From Me.” At least I think it’s Adam Lambert. There is so much smoke and swirling laser lights on the stage, that Glambert is barely visible for much of the performance. Seriously. In some of the camera shots, all you can see is a smoky, dark stage. No Adam. Nevertheless, as he sings, it becomes clear just how boring this Season 9 is. There is no one on the Idol stage currently that comes close to Adam in vocal power and showmanship.

Back to poor Tim, Mike and Katie. Ryan quickly sends Tim back to safety. Then announces that one of the remaining two contestants is going home and that the other wasn’t even in the Bottom 3. At that moment, you can see Katie’s face fall. She knows that she’s the one going home and her eyes begin to well up with tears before Ryan even makes the announcement. Sure enough, she’s a goner. The fact that Big Mike was the bottom vote getter a week ago and isn’t even in the Bottom 3 tonight shows just how fickle the voting audience is and how fluid the contest is.

Katie sings her heart out on “Let It Be,” but I don’t think it’s anywhere near as good as it was a week ago on Lennon/McCartney night. Her emotions are getting the better of her and she’s quite pitchy.

Meanwhile, we’re treated to plenty of shots of the other Idol contestants looking bereft and tearful. I never fully understand the tears at this point. They all know going in that every single one of them, barring one, is getting cut. They are all “going home” at some point. That’s no secret. So rather than cry, why not celebrate how far they made it and the great opportunities they now have in front of them. Easy for me to say sitting safely on my couch, but c’mon!

Next Wednesday is the two-hour “Idol Gives Back” and also the elimination night. Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t we have a surprise on the last “Idol Gives Back” when they decided not to eliminate anyone that night. Are we in for a repeat and yet another double elimination night in two weeks? You heard it here first.

See everyone next Tuesday. Until then, stay classy America!

American Idol Blog — April 13, 2010

Elvis Presley’s music is the theme tonight and Adam Lambert is the guest mentor. Despite a lot of grumbling from a lot of quarters, I think Adam is the perfect mentor. He was the most interesting contestant in nine seasons of Idol and knows a lot about changing up songs and performing on the Idol stage. If Miley Cyrus can be a mentor, surely Glambert can too.

On with the performances…

=====

Crystal Bowersox, “Saved”

Grade: B

My Take: Crystal’s voice is great as usual, but for the first time, I am underwhelmed by her. It’s hard to pinpoint what didn’t work for me, but in general I was bored by it. She was smiling and jamming an electric guitar and unleashing her powerful vocals, but the sum was less than the parts. I feel like I have seen this performance over and over again. Don’t get me wrong. She’s totally safe. It just wasn’t a “wowza” performance for me.

Judges: Randy compares her to Bonnie Raitt and he loved it. Ellen agrees. Kara loved the uptempo song and that Crystal’s personality came through. Simon liked that she picked a less obvious Elvis song and that it wasn’t karaoke.

=====

Andrew Garcia, “Hound Dog”

Grade: D

My Take: Maybe I’m just in a funk again, but that was a snooze-worthy performance. Mentor Adam Lambert called it perfectly during the Vegas run-through, saying Andrew’s performance needed more oomph and personality. Apparently Andrew ignored him because that was a boring, uninspired version of what’s normally a rip-snorter of a song. If Elvis were really dead, he’d be rolling over in his grave after that performance.

Judges: Randy didn’t like it at all and intimated it was bad karaoke. Ellen disagrees and thinks he put swagger into it. Kara says Andrew didn’t own the stage. Simon thought it was lazy and unpredictable and that it wasn’t a star performance.

=====

Tim Urban, “Can’t Help Falling in Love”

Grade: A

My Take: I think Tim just locked himself in for another week. While not perfect, that was an impressive and heartfelt version of one of Elvis’ most tender songs. Tim’s unique vocals worked this time and made for a fascinating delivery of the song. Yes, a few times he almost swallowed the notes whole, but he also hit plenty of solid notes and added just enough tweaks to keep me glued to the TV the entire performance. Just when you think “Turban” is a goner, he goes and pulls this out of his sleeve.

Judges: Randy liked it. Ellen compares him to multiple shots of tequila and says it was beautiful. Kara calls it her favorite Tim performance and says it was from the heart. Simon says he went from zero to hero in two weeks — good song, clean arrangement and growing confidence.

=====

Lee Dewyze, “A Little Less Conversation”

Grade: B

My Take: This was a big improvement over last week when Lee lost his way. His vocals were back on track and he sounded great. However, this song paled compared to the Elvis original. It was missing the funk element and seemed completely rushed. Where were the smiles from Lee, the connecting with the audience he was going to work on? Instead, he was painting by numbers — to the point that he even rushed his final note so he could move the mic stand and get in position for the critiques.

Judges: Randy says Lee is in the zone and calls it an amazing performance. Ellen says he made the song current. Kara thinks Lee went for it vocally and brought a new intensity to it. Simon says the performance was on the money.

=====

Aaron Kelly, “Blue Suede Shoes”

Grade: C

My Take: Complete karaoke. Way too much flirting going on between Aaron and Kara during the song. Just wrong. Aaron’s voice sounds good, but he’s failing over and over to put his own imprint on these songs. Instead, we are offered watered-down versions of the originals. I give him credit for stage presence and the growl factor he brought to the song, but it’s just not special — ever.

Judges: Randy liked some portions of it. Ellen thought it was a big song to take on, but didn’t think he got all the way there. Kara liked that Aaron went out of his comfort zone. Simon disagrees and thinks the song was not young and was karaoke and was not original.

=====

Siobhan Magnus, “Suspicious Minds”

Grade: B

My Take: OK, I am going to commit Idol sacrilege here. I can’t stand Siobhan’s voice much of the time. She starts out on this Elvis hit low and slow and it’s just darn near awful. It sounds fake and stilted and artificially bass. As with previous performances, she only lights up the stage when she starts hitting the chorus and the big notes where she can screech and belt and power ballad her way through the audience. So yes, she ends strong, but I’m not sure it’s worth the journey to get there.

Judges: Randy liked the second half better. Ellen did too. Kara talks about Siobhan’s two voices and says it confuses her and she wasn’t crazy about it. Simon says the first half of the song was terrible and calls the song erratic and screechy and not one of her best performances. For once the judges and I are on exactly the same page. That’s a rare occurrence tonight.

=====

Michael Lynche, “In the Ghetto”

Grade: A

My Take: Finally, a performance I can get excited about. After being the bottom finisher last week and getting the Judges’ Save, Michael proves that he deserved it with this crazy beautiful song. Sitting on a stool and playing a guitar keeps Big Mike’s theatrics to a minimum and let’s him (and us) focus on his vocals, which are brilliant. I would love to hear a full-on studio version of Mike doing that song. Wonderful.

Judges: Randy thinks the song was sleepy, but the vocals were hot. Ellen says she’s glad the judges saved Michael. Kara says he sang the song well. Simon says it was a million, billion times better than last week and one of Michael’s best performances. Huzzah, Simon!

=====

Katie Stevens, “Baby What You Want Me to Do?”

Grade: B

My Take: No one can argue that Katie Stevens has a big voice. She can belt it out with the best of them. Even better, she’s coming into her own as a performer and her confidence is growing each week. The “robot” personality is disappearing and she’s sassier and more grown up each week. Unlike Aaron, she no longer seems like a teen playing dress up. It wasn’t my favorite song choice, but Katie made the most of it.

Judges: Randy likes the vocals. Ellen calls it a horny song, referring to the horn-playing musicians on stage and calls it great. Kara says something stupid. Simon says it was loud and annoying and says he didn’t like the song.

=====

Casey James, “Lawdy Miss Clawdy”

Grade: B

My Take: I actually rewound Casey’s performance before I typed any comments. It left such little impression the first time, I felt I needed to hear it again. It didn’t make much of a difference. Average vocals (unusual for Casey, who is one of the better singers this year) and average arrangement and average energy level equals a very average and uninteresting song. I can’t say it was terrible, but it certainly wasn’t special by any stretch.

Judges: Randy says it was solid, but didn’t see anything different. Ellen says it wasn’t as exciting as she would have liked. Kara says Casey’s song felt short. Simon says it was a wasted opportunity with a forgettable song, but decent vocal.

=====

Here’s my take on tonight’s Idols from best to worst:

Michael
Tim
Crystal
Lee

Siobhan
Katie
Casey

Aaron
Andrew

=====

Tomorrow, two contestants will be eliminated. Thank heavens. We still need to cut the chaff out.

IMHO, I would clearly cut Andrew and Aaron. They both gave weak performances Tuesday night and have been at the bottom of the heap for weeks now. Let’s put them out of their misery.

Michael was my favorite tonight with Tim (gasp!) close behind. Crystal was rock solid and, in retrospect, Lee was pretty darn good too. They should all be safe and sound.

Siobhan, Katie and Casey also gave good, if not great, performances. If anyone besides Andrew and Aaron is in danger, I would guess Katie for the poor song choice and maybe — just maybe — Siobhan for having yet another identity crisis this week.

What do you think, my friends? Who would you send home in ninth and eighth place? Who do you think came out on top?

See you Wednesday night. Adios, amigos.

American Idol Blog — April 7, 2010

Going into tonight’s show, I was quite confident that Andrew Garcia was the person that should and would go home. His performance Tuesday was capable, but hardly stellar and he was very unpopular all day today in the blogosphere. However truth be told, I have come back and written this first paragraph with full knowledge of what happens at the end — and what a wild ride this episode turns out to be.

As the Top 9 elimination show gets underway, I admit I get up and go clean up the kitchen during the dreaded group sing. From what I overhear, I didn’t miss anything. One rarely does.

We finally get to the “dim the lights” moment and Ryan dramatically has Siobhan, Crystal and Katie all stand and make their way to the center stage. He is hoping that we will all think one of these three is in the Bottom 3 — or implausibly that all three are the Bottom 3. However, it’s readily apparent to regular watchers of this show that all three are safe. And they are. That’s the type of artificial drama and faux surprise that Idol producers try to gin up each week. It usually doesn’t work — except when it does. (See below.)

We have a musical interlude with Jason Derulo, a Miami-born singer who has had several hit songs over the past year. The show goes to great lengths to make it sound as if Kara Dioguardi discovered Derulo, but a little internet research punctures a few holes in this story. Is she part of his “current” team? Yes. Is she solely responsible for bringing him to the attention of America? Hardly.

Derulo goes on to perform a wonderful song titled “In My Head.” He’s got the smoothest dance moves since MJ and puts last week’s toe-tapper Usher to shame. It’s the rare great guest performance and my whole family is glued to the TV. Afterwards, we agree that’s a song we are going to download.

The only awkward moment is when Kara and Simon seem to almost “judge” Derulo with their post-performance comments to him. Dudes! He is way beyond any help you can offer so smile pretty and just clap.

After more filler and commercials, Season 7 runner-up David “Archie” Archuleta takes the stage. Now a strapping (?) 19 year-old, Archuleta does himself no favors by resurrecting his old standby “Imagine.” It may have won him raves two years ago, but we’ve been there, done that. Let’s see something fresh and new from Little Archie. He also doesn’t help his claim to being a current, relevant pop star by devolving into a fit of giggles and embarrassed guffaws during his chat with Ryan.

Let’s move on.

Ryan next divides the remaining six men into two groups on either side of the stage. One group contains Lee, Casey and Tim(!). The other contains Aaron, Andrew and Big Mike(!).

The obvious drama is that Tim and Big Mike are the ringers here. Someone seems to be in the wrong group. Aaron and Andrew would be expected in the Bottom 3, but not Big Mike. Lee and Casey would be expected to be safe, but not Tim.

It’s the first true drama of the night and you have to think Big Mike was not liking how things were going. Sure enough, Mike, Aaron and Andrew are the Bottom 3. Mike’s take on “Eleanor Rigby” was dramatic and a bit Broadway, but vocally it was solid. This is somewhat of a surprise.

Meanwhile, a few feet away Tim has pulled out his “I’m thunderstruck” face as he feigns shock over being safe. C’mon, Tim. This schtick is getting old. You know your cascading locks and thousand watt smile have you locked into a Top 5 finish, no matter that it is a travesty of Idol justice. Just smile, mouth a few “thank yous” at the audience and move along.

Next, Ryan goes to send one of the Bottom 3 back to safety. I naturally assume it’s going to be Big Mike. Instead, it’s Aaron. Now, I am a bit thunderstruck. Big Mike and Andrew Garcia are the Bottom 2. I am very surprised that Big Mike has become this vulnerable this fast. He was getting rave reviews just a week ago.

We have another musical interlude, one that is obviously on tape. Pop princess Rihanna takes to the stage. Her latest album has bombed and sales are in the proverbial loo. If this song is indicative of her latest efforts, I see why she’s in trouble. What a horrible tune (if you can call it that) and what an over-the-top, uncoordinated and completely unnecessary stage performance — right down to the writhing on the floor (Rihanna) and the guitar solo (some greasy haired pseudo-rocker).

Finally, it’s 9:55 p.m. and the moment has arrived. I would bet good money that Andrew is going home. He was my pick since Tuesday night and I am sticking with it.

And I am wrong — again. Andrew is safe. Michael Lynche is the bottom vote getter. This is a shock for all the reasons I elucidated above. He’s had many strong weeks. He’s a better vocalist than three or four other contestants still in the game. He’s got a fun and appealing personality. What happened?

Now only the Judges’ Save can resurrect Big Mike’s Idol dreams. As he begins to sing his swan song, we see many, many camera shots of Mike’s crazy-@$$ wife. She’s is bereft, sobbing, tears streaming down her face mixing in with her glitter make-up(!) making her look like something out of Xanadu. Her lower lip quivers as she clutches her chest as if to hold up the halter top that she believes passes for Idol-appropriate dress. But I digress.

We also get a shot of a big, ol’ flower tat on Crystal’s back. But I digress again.

Bottom line, Big Mike sings his heart out, gesticulating to the sky, pouring his heart into the song — and it works. After a few shots of the judges conferring, Simon makes the big announcement. Big Mike is getting the judge’s save and will be back to sing again next week.

The audience goes berserk. Kara looks like she is going to come right out of her skin, she’s so excited. The other contestants swarm Big Mike, who initially pushes them away and thumps his chest as he marches towards the front of the stage, showing the world that he is king and he is back and God is on his side and displaying all the worst mannerisms of sports stars in the end zone. I find the whole act a bit of a turn-off (can you tell?), but I can’t deny the drama.

So there you go, America. Big Mike is back next week along with everyone else. The downside for these nine wanna-bes. Next week, two contestants will be eliminated. (Got to stay on schedule for the big Nokia Theater final in May, you know.)

Adam Lambert is next week’s guest mentor. Now that should be interesting. Until Tuesday, have a great week!

American Idol Blog — April 6, 2010

A lackluster Idol season seems covered in even more dust tonight with songs from the overused Lennon-McCartney songbook. When they got permission to use these songs in Season 7, I believe, they were fresh. Now they are stale, at least in Idol land.

On with the performances…

=====
Aaron Kelly, “The Long and Winding Road”

Grade: C

My Take: Yoda (as Aaron is called) is mellow and heartfelt on this song, but I immediately sense something is off with his vocals. A little flat at points, but it sounds more like he might have been sick this week. His voice is almost itchy and scratchy. Regardless, it’s competent, but certainly not a “moment” and nothing about it stands out.

Judges: Randy thinks the song was too sleepy and needed to be changed up. Ellen says it felt like a long and winding song. Kara says he’s been good, but he needs to be great. She also says it’s like we’re seeing the same thing each week. Very true, Kara. For once, I agree with you. Simon says the song was old fashioned and boring and Aaron needs to be young and relevant.

=====
Katie Stevens, “Let It Be”

Grade: A

My Take: That was the best I have ever heard Katie sing. I actually got goosebumps at one point, no joke. She kept the famous, haunting melody but added a few small tweaks and runs to the arrangement that really, really worked. Her voice was clear and focused and laser like, striking the audience with amazing precision. I loved it.

Judges: Randy says it was her best performance ever and says it was hot. Ellen says Katie changed the song just enough and calls it amazing. Kara says Katie is blossoming on stage and showed real confidence tonight. Simon says he felt she was singing the song about someone rather than being robotic.

=====
Andrew Garcia, “Can’t Buy Me Love”

Grade: C

My Take: We hear that Andrew has the most fun personality of all the Top 9 contestants and we can certainly see that in this jaunty version of “Can’t Buy Me Love.” Andrew is a regular lounge singer on “The Love Boat” circa 1977 with this one, be-boppin’ his way through the song and strummin’ his gee-tar. It’s fun, entertaining, but lacks a certain gravitas at this stage in the competition. Not his best and this could mean trouble.

Judges: Randy says it was OK, if not a bit corny. Ellen thinks it was a lot of fun and she loved it. Kara wanted to see him do more with his interpretation of the song. Simon compares it to a wedding reception performance and calls it “irrelevant.”

=====
Michael Lynche, “Eleanor Rigby”

Grade: B

My Take: That crazy performance was a complete mixed bag for me. On the negative side, the story line of “Eleanor Rigby” brought back the terrible stage mannerisms that have haunted Michael in the past. He pointed to the sky, thumped his chest and capped the song with a prancing pirouette. Too much, dude! However, I will give Michael credit for turning this often ho-hum song into a tour de force with big vocals and big drama in the telling. I’m not going to forget this version for a long time.

Judges: Randy isn’t sure it all worked, but thinks Michael has reached the point that he can do anything. Ellen says there are so many sides to Michael and he handles them all so well. Kara thought his vocals were great and loved the building drama to the song. Simon didn’t love it as much and thinks it was the sort of thing people hear in musicals. He calls it “too over the top.”

=====
Crystal Bowersox, “Come Together”

Grade: A

My Take: I so wish Crystal Bowersox were not on Idol and were out on tour right now because I might quit my day job and become a groupie. She’s that good. While it’s a classic, “Come Together” has never been my favorite Beatles song. However, after hearing Crystal’s awesome version, I may rethink that. She just lights into it like Augustus Gloop into a Wonka bar and she sets the stage of fire. Vocals are flawless. Another fantastic job.

Judges: Randy says it was another solid performance and Crystal is in the zone right now. Ellen says Crystal never ceases to amaze her and she came up with a way to improve on a Lennon-McCartney song. That’s high praise. Kara says it was one of her favorite Crystal performances. Simon says Crystal’s performance just worked and he could hear that on the radio right now.

=====
Tim Urban, “All My Loving”

Grade: B

My Take: I literally cringed when I heard what song Tim was going to sing — I didn’t want to hear “All My Loving” massacred. Instead, I am pleasantly surprised. Tim acquits himself quite well — singing in tune (mostly) and adding a few new elements not found in the original. His voice is still paper thin and seems on the verge of breaking all the time. But he doesn’t and overall it was a very solid performance from Season 9’s weakest link.

Judges: Randy thinks it was a much better performance compared with previous Tim songs. Ellen thinks he did very well. Kara says it was solid and she thinks he’s been learning from the judges critiques. Simon says he thinks Tim did really well tonight and the song suited his voice. He also thinks Tim’s was very current.

=====
Casey James, “Jealous Guy”

Grade: A

My Take: I love James’ version of this Lennon song. He is completely committed and emotionally into the song. His guitar playing is superb. His vocals are solid, although he does hit a bum note or two. Still, he’s got more grit and gravel and roadhouse in his voice than anyone else — even compared to Lee Dewyze. Lee may have the better overall voice, but James is more consistent and more authentic. Add those together and it may equal a winner.

Judges: Randy loves that he used an acoustic guitar and loves the way Casey sang the song. Ellen says it’s his best performance to date and was moved by the song. Kara liked the depth and vulnerability that Casey showed. Simon says it was the best performance of the night so far and says Casey’s growth week to week has been absolutely “ginormous.” (One of my favorite words, but one that editors rarely let me use in my writings.)

=====
Siobhan Magnus, “Across the Universe”

Grade: B

My Take: Beautifully snoozy is the best way to sum up Siobhan’s performance — and it’s the snoozy part that has me worried. Siobhan is at her best when she’s being quirky and belting out some big number. Last week she struggled vocally. This week, she sounds good, but the slow pace of the song rarely lets her show off the big voice. And her low or subdued voice is just OK. Still, it’s a pretty version and Siobhan looks pretty tonight, but I worry. Two weeks of iffy songs while others are stepping up may put Siobhan in a precarious position.

Judges: Randy says no one in the competition is as much an artist as Siobhan. Ellen loves the song and thinks Siobhan’s version was beautiful. Kara thinks it was too restrained and too polite. Simon thinks she came back stronger this week after a disastrous last week.

=====
Lee Dewyze, “Hey Jude”

Grade: D

My Take: I love Lee Dewyze, but I hated everything about that performance. After a stellar week last week, I think Lee let the praise go to his head. He went from confident to cocky and it’s not a good color on him. I think his vocals were average and he missed as many notes as he hit. I hated the “na na na nahs” and I especially hated when he asked everyone to sing along with him and clap their hands. This is not arena rock and you are not a superstar (yet). The capper was the kilt-wearing bagpipe player that came out of nowhere to accompany Lee’s over-the-top finale. The Australian didgeridoo worked during Crystal’s song, but this international attempt did not. Too much all the way around.

Judges: Randy loved the bagpipe player and says the song was hot. Ellen thought it was a great job. Kara said there were good moments and off moments, but she can hear him and his “tone” on the radio. Simon thinks the bagpipe player didn’t work. Huzzah!

=====

Here’s my line-up for the night, from best to worst:

Katie
Crystal
Casey

Tim
Siobhan
Michael

Andrew
Aaron
Lee

=====

I am as shocked as anyone to find myself loving Katie tonight. After two appearances in the Bottom 3, hopefully her rock solid “Let It Be” will keep her safe Wednesday night. Perennial bottom dweller Tim Urban also had a decent night. If Katie and Tim are both safe, than we are going to finally have some drama on our hands come the elimination show.

Despite Lee’s ridiculous performance, I don’t think he’ll be Bottom 3. My gut is Aaron could be in trouble. Andrew is definitely in trouble and possibly Tim or even Siobhan. Yikes! I didn’t think I would be writing that this soon. I call Andrew for elimination.

What do you think, my friends. Am I on target or way off base? Who would you send home? And who was your favorite.

C u Wednesday.

American Idol Blog — March 31, 2010

The show gets off to an ominous start with a ridiculous tie-in to the new movie “Clash of the Titans.” Sorry, A.I. producers, but there ain’t no Titans on the Idol stage this year. Mere mortals they be. Maybe in previous years with the likes of Chris Daughtry, Jennifer Hudson, Carrie Underwood and Adam Lambert, but you picked the wrong season for the Titan analogy.

As usual, we have to dispense with the regular piffle before we get to the good stuff. This filler includes Season 2 champ Reuben Studdard performing and another Ford commercial where they try to make Crystal Bowersox look “carefree and zany.”

On with the eliminations…

Lee Dewyze — Safe. This was the best bet of the night. Simon wasn’t joking when he said Lee’s Tuesday performance might have been the moment his whole life changed. The blogosphere exploded with support for Lee on Wednesday.

Casey James — Safe. Also a safe bet, but if Casey doesn’t learn to spice up his vocally great, but rigid performances he will go out in 4th or 5th place.

Aaron Kelly — Safe. Aaron could have been on the bubble this week, but his strong vocals keep pulling him through. He has a few more weeks in the competition, but he’s not a contender.

Siobhan Magnus — Safe. It would have been a real shock if Siobhan had ended up in the Bottom 3 after one bum song Tuesday night. If she has a repeat, look for her stock to fall faster than Wall Street.

Katie Stevens — Bottom 3. We all know Didi and Tim are the two bottom spots (sure enough, see below), but who was going to take that third Bar Stool of Doom? Katie was the likely candidate and sure enough. Despite a strong voice, she has not connected to her material and, as a result, she has not connected to America. She will be gone by mid-April.

During some more filler, we are alerted to next week’s theme — songs from the John Lennon/Paul McCartney songbook. This should be a good week because these two wrote many songs that were performed by other artists, widening the offerings beyond the Beatles catalog.

Justin Bieber is shown sitting in the audience surrounded by burly bodyguards. My 10-year-old son immediately said, “That kid’s a dork,” while my wife asked, “Who’s Justin Bieber?” He is an incredibly huge teen recording artist who evidently has a fan base composed entirely of 11-13 year-old girls. Hey Justin, see that shadow over your shoulder? That’s puberty looming and also the end of your short career.

Tuesday’s guest mentor Usher takes the stage (pre-recorded) to perform a song from his new album, “Raymond vs. Raymond.” While I initially hope this means there might be clips from my favorite sitcom “Everybody Loves Raymond,” instead we are treated to a vocally questionable mellow song featuring some smooth as ice dance moves. Usher is given the full-blown star treatment, at times “three boxed” on the screen using three different cameras. The whole thing is forgotten by the end of the next commercial.

Back to it…

Didi Benami — Bottom 3. Worst performance Tuesday night guaranteed this.

Michael Lynche — Safe. No surprises here until Michael impulsively lifts Ryan Seacrest up over his head as revenge for tricking him into thinking he was Bottom 3. I fear Ryan’s back is going to go out and we are going to have a “situation” on our hands.

Crystal Bowersox — Safe. Stilettos and all.

Andrew Garcia — Safe. There was a lot of support for Andrew on the WWW this week after his fun, appealing performance of “Forever.” Look at this as more of a temporary reprieve rather than a game changer. Andrew’s days are still numbered.

Tim Urban — Bottom 3. Also no surprise after his cringe-inducing showing on Tuesday. Like Samson after a haircut, the power behind Urban’s bountiful locks and big smile is fading with each horrific performance. He has one week left — two at best.

This leaves Didi, Katie and Tim in the Bottom 3. Unfortunately for the rest of us, they all need to go. None of them is going to make the finals. Too bad we can’t drop the trapdoor on them all at once and move this season along.

As if we all just fell into a Hot Tub Time Machine, P. Diddy/Puff Daddy/Sean Combs suddenly takes the stage, prompting oldsters to ask “Is he still alive” and kids to ask “Who’s that man, mommy?” The two noteworthy moments in his time on stage include the strobe light warning flashed on screen before Diddy performs and the way he supplicates himself afterwards, thanking the Idol producers profusely for having him on. Desperate much?

Fast-forwarding — Katie is safe. Tim’s magic powers work again and he’s safe. Didi is going home. A reprisal of her awesome “Rhiannon” is a going-away treat, but does nothing to sway the judges to use their “save card.”

There you go folks, 60 minutes of your life you will never get back, all to get to the exact final result we knew was coming. Sorry if I sound a bit fatalist. With Lee, Crystal, Casey, Siobhan and Michael still in the hunt, things are going to get interesting soon. I just know they will.

American Idol Blog — March 30, 2010

I know as an official, on-the-clock Idol blogger, I shouldn’t be saying this, but does anyone else think that the excitement and interest level for Idol is much lower this year. There are some terribly talented singers — Crystal, Siobhan, Casey, Lee — yet there just doesn’t seem to be a lot of drama. There is still a clear tier of second-class singers who need to be cut. Until they are gone, it feels like we are just spinning wheels.

I try to pump myself up going into tonight’s show and it’s Soul and R&B theme, a musical genre that I appreciate, but have never gravitated to.

One high point of the night is the guest mentor — the superstar Usher. As I watch him work with the contestants, he quickly becomes one of the best mentors the show has seen. He offers some really good advice, advice that is personalized to each contestants and their style and needs. Compared to Miley Cyrus last week, this was a master class for the Idol Top 10.

On with the performances…

=====
Siobhan Magnus, “Through the Fire”

Grade: C

My Take: It’s all too much and yet, somehow, not enough. The toga mini-skirt, the odd red bloodstain splotch on the blouse, the big ol’ tattoo on the shoulder, the Grecian-style hair — all capped off with some sort of silver, tennis shoe boot contraption. Worse, her vocals just seem to be off. At several points, Siobhan seems to know that she’s off too and she actually looks worried on stage. She should be safe based on her great body of work, but this was a bad week for Siobhan.

Judges: Randy and Ellen and Kara all think it wasn’t her best performance. Simon says she sounded out of breath and the song was all over the place. He calls it her weakest performance and says the “screamed” notes at the end of each song are getting boring. After Ryan joins Siobhan on stage, he goads the judges into adding additional comments. They really seem to let rip on her and you can tell Siobhan is near tears, trying to hold it in.

=====
Casey James, “Hold On, I’m Coming”

Grade: B

My Take: Without a doubt, Casey James is the most consistent of the men, turning out rock-solid songs such as this one. However, he still seems to be locked into place on stage, hiding behind his guitar, afraid to really rock out. He’s still a contender, but I want to see him take over the whole stage and use that great voice to put on a real show, not just play the guitar while rooted in place.

Judges: Randy says it was a hot night for Casey. Ellen said Casey sang the song great, but thought it was a bit generic. Kara liked it but thinks he’s got more. Simon says it was Casey’s strongest week so far. He was “really, really” impressed with him this week.

=====
Michael Lynche, “Ready for Love”

Grade: A

My Take: This theme and this song are certainly in Big Mike’s “wheelhouse.” He’s a great love song/ballad singer and this song is just plain lovely. Michael is singing on a small stage up close to the audience and he’s backlit by spotlights. But his voice is the most impressive as he demonstrates complete control and offers up a wonderful song that I would download today. This is the first time I think Michael could maybe win this thing.

Judges: Randy says he is in the zone and is loving every performance from Michael. Ellen says it was beautiful and she loved it. Kara says he did an incredible job with it and he got to the true emotion of the song. Simon says it’s the first time he could take Michael seriously as an artist and he believed the performance.

=====
Didi Benami, “What Becomes of the Broken Hearted”

Grade: D

My Take: I love Didi’s singing style usually, but tonight she goes in an entirely different direction and it just doesn’t work. After telling us how emotional this song is for her (probably for her best friend who died), Didi seems to be rushing it and is ahead of the music at the start. She never pauses for any emotion at all. She looks beautiful in a 40s style starlet gown and hair-do, but she’s pitchy in multiple places. When she gets to the big finale, with a punctuated “tell me, tell me”, it sounds weak and strident and nowhere near as big as it should be. Terrible performance.

Judges: Randy says the song flat-lined for him and just wasn’t great. Ellen says it was way dramatic and not her best performance. Kara says it was overdone and she’s lost the singer-songwriter vibe that she once had. Simon says it was so over-the-top and so off the melody and Didi has lost her way.

=====
Tim Urban, “Sweet Love”

Grade: D

My Take: On the good side, the big chorus notes sound pretty close to where they should be and are not entirely unpalatable, but at the low points in the song, he seems to lose himself and is often overpowered by the background vocals and the band. His tentative moves around the stage, meant to show that he is tender and “in love,” don’t’ help as it more seems as if he is in pain, perhaps having some sort of G.I. distress. Not great, not completely terrible, but as with Paige last week, Didi egg-laying may have made everyone else – including Tim – safe.

Judges: Randy says he sang in tune, but there was no vibe, no swag. Ellen doesn’t think he should have taken on that song. Kara says he took the soul out of that song. Simon admits it doesn’t make any difference what the judges say. Simon says he’s probably going to be here next week, regardless of what the judges say or how Tim sings.

=====
Andrew Garcia, “Forever”

Grade: A

My Take: I had long ago written off Andrew Garcia, who has underperformed for weeks now. However, this song is wonderful. Beautiful, simple, spot-on vocals grab the audience as Andrew takes this song that YouTube and the wedding entrance made ridiculous and turned it back into something lovely and fun and honest. It’s Andrew’s best performance of the season. I love it.

Judges: Randy says it was Andrew’s best performance in a long time. Ellen says it was really strong. Kara says it was a giant leap in the right direction. Simon says it was miles and miles better from what he done recently, but Andrew needs to start showing more personality.

=====
Katie Stevens, “Chain of Fools”

Grade: B

My Take: Katie takes the stage in a outfit clearly swiped from the Paige Miles wardrobe — oversized grey suit shorts over leggings. Is this what passes for women’s clothing these days? I am immediately nervous that a 17-year-old country girl is going to take on the Queen of Soul and indeed, she looks a bit like a kid performing in front of her family at a holiday gathering. That being said, Katie’s vocals are undeniably strong — perhaps the best we have heard from her. When she belts out those big notes, they are really something to behold. Still, the overall performance misses the mark for me.

Judges: Randy says Katie is like a young Christina (Aguilera) and says it was nice vocals. Ellen thinks the vocals were great, but wished the song had been a little more current. Kara says it was one of Katie’s best performances, but she needs to be young and commercial. Simon thinks it was pretty good, but all a bit robotic and cold.

=====
Lee Dewyze, “Treat Her Like a Lady”

Grade: A

My Take: I have liked Lee’s earthy, gravelly voice since the get go, but he has really been coming into his own in recent weeks and America has been noticing. Tonight he reaches his zenith (so far) with a powerful performance of “Treat Her Like a Lady.” It hews closely enough to the original to be instantly appealing, yet features enough unique moments and mini-runs to show that Lee is his own artist. His vocals are in top form and he nails this song. Even better, his scared child persona is mostly gone as the audience is greeted by a much more confident Lee this week. Great job!

Judges: Randy says it was unbelievable and calls it the bomb. Ellen says it was the best performance of the night. Kara calls it amazing. Simon says this may be the night that Lee’s life changed. Very much in the vein of David Cook and Kris Allen, straightforward strong vocals without too much drama or nonsense around them a la Lambert, etc.

=====
Crystal Bowersox, “Midnight Train to Georgia”

Grade: A

My Take: Crystal, this year’s most talented vocalist, had been in danger of getting boring. Each week, she has worn blah outfits —usually pants, and stood at a microphone playing her guitar. Recognizing that even a true artist can stand to spice things up, she takes the stage tonight in an elegant red dress, her normally messy hair up and wearing stiletto heels. She foregoes the guitar for a piano, where she launches into a searing version of “Midnight Train to Georgia.” While she seems a bit more tentative at first (is it the piano?), when she unleashes that big voice on the chorus, Crystal is back and as good as ever. I could listen to her sing all night and someday soon — when her first CD is released — I intend to.

Judges: Randy loved every part of it. Ellen thinks she’s in it to win it and it was great. Kara loves that she took the risk and thinks it all worked. Simon says the vocals were good, but doesn’t want her to change into something she isn’t.

=====
Aaron Kelly, “Ain’t No Sunshine”

Grade: B

My Take: Aaron has a great voice, but his persona is just so young — as it should be considering he is 16. There is an air of poser or falseness around many of his performances, especially when he tackles something so world weary as this Bill Withers classic. Also, tonight his hair is weird again. It reminds me of Pee Wee Herman, which is not a good thing. Overall, just OK.

Judges: Randy says it was just all right for him, but liked his power notes. Ellen says really good job. Kara liked it, but didn’t love it. Simon says it wasn’t near as good as other singers this evening, but there is no chance he is leaving the competition.

=====
Here’s my take on tonight’s performances, from best to worst.

TOP TIER
Lee Dewyze
Michael Lynche
Andrew Garcia
Crystal Bowersox

MIDDLE TIER
Casey James
Katie Stevens
Aaron Kelly
Siobhan Magnus
BOTTOM TIER
Tim Urban
Didi Benami

=====

Looking back, I am pleasantly surprised by the higher level of performances we saw tonight. There are more people in contention for the prize that I originally thought. Maybe the ennui I’ve been feeling toward Season 9 is about to end. Fingers crossed.

I have to assume that Didi and Tim are shoe-ins for the Bottom 3 on Wednesday night. By all rights, Didi should go home based on her odd, weak performance tonight. But Tim Urban probably truly deserves to go for the fact that he sucked tonight and every other night this season. Ryan says they have taken to calling him “Teflon Tim,” which seems to be true as he survives no matter how bad he is.

As for the other Bottom 3 performer, I can’t imagine it would be Siobhan after just one off night, so that may put Katie or Aaron on the hot seat.

That’s my two cents. What do you all think? Who should go home Wednesday and who was your favorite of the evening? See you at the elimination show!

American Idol Blog — March 23. 2010

The Top 11 elimination show kicks off with the contestants singing Wham’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.” Before they even take the stage, I cringe at the thought of earthy hippie chick Crystal Bowersox singing such poppy froth. But to her credit, she’s right in there smiling and dancing her hiney off.

There’s apparently an Idol ad for the Ford Fiesta. I am in the other room and thankfully miss it.

Before we get to the eliminations, time for a little prognostication. I can say confidently that Paige Miles of Naples, Fla. will be going home. Anyone else would be a shock. Paige struggled mightily on Tuesday and was ripped several new ones in the Idol blogosphere today. Critics hated her performance and so did fans. She paved the way for the equally awful Tim to make the Idol tour. (Teen girls — commence screaming here.)

Onward to the Idol version of an abattoir.

Siobhan — Safe. She continues to be a frontrunner and is definitely one of the most entertaining performers in what’s shaking out to be a rather blah season.

Ryan then has Lee and Casey stand up. He brings them to the edge… and then asks Tim and Paige to stand up. Tim says he wouldn’t change what he did Tuesday night, but Paige admits she had a bad performance. Ryan then sends them both to the Bar Stools of Doom.

Tim — Bottom 3.

Paige — Bottom 3.

Ryan than oddly cuts to a commercial leaving Lee and Casey standing there, their fates unknown. Sure, they are probably safe. But Ryan never said it and it feels like a mistake in the show.

We have an interlude as Miley Cyrus, this week’s mentor, takes the stage. Like one of those children from “Village of the Damned”, Cyrus seems almost robotic, grimacing and emoting as if following a computer program. Ripping on her performance is like going after low hanging fruit — it’s just too easy. Nevertheless, I doubt she would have made it past the Idol audition rounds with that song.

Next week, the star power and guest talent level increases dramatically when Usher comes to Idol.

Meanwhile, Lee and Casey are still in limbo, as far as we know. Finally, as an afterthought, Ryan reminds us that Lee and Casey are safe.

Lee — Safe.

Casey — Safe.

Mark your calendars: Idol Gives Back — four weeks away.

Aaron Kelly — Safe. He had a very strong night on Tuesday. Some bloggers thought he was the best of the night. For Pete’s sake, he’s only 16.

Didi — Safe. She was on the envelope tonight and needs to step it up more each week.

Michael — Safe. He’s less obnoxious now and more appealing.

Crystal — Safe. Of course she is.

Andrew — Safe. Good. I liked his performance of “I Heard it through the Grapevine” even if the rest of America apparently hated it.

Katie — Bottom 3. Lots of people thought Andrew would take this spot, so this is somewhat of a surprise. It’s probably the last time Katie will try something as contemporary as Fergie. Following the judges’ advice bit her in the butt.

Just as quickly as she makes her way to the Stools of Doom, she is sent back to the Sofas of Safety.

Paige and Tim are left and the handwriting is on the wall. Sure enough — Paige is going home. It played out exactly as we figured. Paige bombed so badly on Tuesday that she protected other struggling performers such as Tim, Katie and Andrew. It was really a gift from Paige to the rest of the crowd.

In a stunning move that I heartily applaud, Simon and the other judges tell Paige she has no chance of getting the “Judges Save.” No matter how well she sings, she’s going home. It’s blunt, but Paige needed to hear it rather than ramp up the artificial drama. Bravo, Simon. (I bet the producers hate that he did that.)

On that note, I will bid you farewell until next Tuesday. It’s hardly worth asking if the right contestant went home tonight. We all know the answer to that one.

PS. I almost forgot — semi-talented soulless teen week continued on Idol tonight when Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato sang a duet shortly after Cyrus’ scratchy piano torch song. The duo exuded all the warmth and charisma of lawn chairs. These are three singers I would never watch or listen to except that they were on Idol. I guess their plan for world domination worked after all.

American Idol Blog — March 23, 2010

Top 11 and it’s a critical night. The Top 10 go out tour, get huge experience and huge exposure — and make some cold, hard cash too. Whoever gets cut Wednesday will miss out.

On with the show… and tonight’s guest mentor is… WHO???!!!!

You have got to be frickin’ kidding me. Miley Cyrus is the mentor this week. Half the Top 11 are more talented than Cyrus. Mix her screechy, off-key vocals with her grating, off-putting personality and I would have picked the local dogcatcher as mentor before Cyrus.

With that in mind, I am going to fast-forward through her critiques. I can’t stomach her acting like she knows how to sing. Someone tell me if she says anything noteworthy or valuable.

=====

Lee Dewyze, “The Letter”

Grade: C

My Take: This is one of my favorite oldies and Lee massacres it. I appreciate the idea behind his hep cat version of this song and he certainly gives it his own spin. I also appreciate that he adds a bit more pizazz to his performance, although you can see him concentrating on it a bit too much. Nevertheless, he flattens out the melody and makes the song less fun that the original. Add in the constipated look and the clutching his stomach with his free hand and I am not a fan.

Judges: Randy says Lee knocked it out of the park. Ellen tries to be funny and fails, but bottom line she really liked it. Kara says Lee owned the stage and that he raised the bar. Simon didn’t like the song choice and calls it corny.

=====

Paige Miles, “Against All Odds”

Grade: F

My Take: What the h-e-double toothpicks was that? Paige just dropped the biggest bomb since the Blitz. The soft, slow beginning was awful — showcasing every weakness and flaw in her voice. When the song got to it’s big chorus — where you would expect Paige to unleash her purported powerful vocals, she falls short again. Her voice cracks. She holds back on places you expect her to soar. Even the final note is off and struggling. I am stunned and disappointed.

Judges: Randy calls it terrible and says nothing came together for Paige. Ellen can’t even bring herself to offer a critique and passes. Kara says Paige has stopped competing and says it may have been the worst vocal of the season. Simon says the song was all over the place and that this performance likely “killed” her. Paige’s only hope is if one of the other contestants goes berserk and rips up a picture of the Pope (a la Sinead O’Connor).

=====

Tim Urban, “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”

Grade: C

My Take: Considering Paige’s awfulness, Tim probably did enough with that song to stay alive. This straightforward version of “Crazy Little Thing” was uninspired and a bit blah, but Tim hams it up on stage and the vocals are more or less OK. It might have been the audio system, but at times his voice gets so soft I lose the lyrics. The producers are clearly going for a “teen idol” image for Tim, with a stage slide and a visit to a smaller stage surrounded by screaming girls (and one very excited guy). Overall — average, but he didn’t bomb — and tonight, that’s enough. Stunning that he is going to be on the Idol Tour this summer.

Judges: Randy says the vocals were so boring and it was like bad karaoke. Ellen calls it corny and that he pushed too hard. Kara didn’t like it and compared it to Zac Efron in “Hairspray” and says little girls will love it. Simon says it was pointless and silly and that as of now he has zero chance of winning.

=====

Aaron Kelly, “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”

Grade: B

My Take: The lighting on the Idol stage (or is it my TV) has turned Aaron as purple as Violet Beauregard after she ate the roast beef, tomato soup and blueberry pie gum. Very odd. As for the performance, it’s perfectly fine. No big “wow” moments. Nothing that I am going to water cooler about tomorrow. Still. Aaron’s vocals seem to hold for most of the song and he hits a few big notes that are really nice. I am not really excited about Aaron tonight, but considering what’s come before him, he actually did quite well.

Judges: Randy is really excited after the dismal performances before Aaron. Ellen says it was amazing. Kara says it was the best song choice of the night, even if he had a few vocal problems due to being under the weather this week. Simon thinks it was old fashioned, but says he is definitely safe.

=====

Crystal Bowersox, “Me and Bobby McGee”

Grade: A

My Take: It’s embarrassing that a pop tartlet like Cyrus is “coaching” the supremely talented Crystal. Crystal sings circles around Cyrus in her sleep. I think Cyrus knows this as she looks uncomfortable. As for the performance of this Janis Joplin classic, Crystal is her usual awesome self. She really fires it up and tries to inject a more buoyant personality into her performance, with lots of big smiles. She’s also wearing a hippie dress that is more feminine than the pants/shirts combo of previous weeks. Hey — she’s trying. And with that incredible voice, the rest is just icing anyway.

Judges: Randy says Crystal’s song shows what it means to be a star. Ellen loves it but wants to see Crystal connect more with the audience. Kara loves it too, but suggests she trying putting down the guitar and cutting loose. Simon says he wouldn’t change anything and says Crystal nailed it.

=====

Michael Lynche, “When a Man Loves a Woman”

Grade: A

My Take: Great job by Michael. After several weeks of being distracted by his hammy stage style, Michael tones it down (a bit) and just sings tonight. His voice is very good, if not as big as the Percy Sledge original, and Michael really seems to be enjoying himself. It’s the perfect crooner song for Michael’s big teddy bear/romantic lover persona and you can see it connects with him and with the audience.

Judges: Randy doesn’t know if it was the best song choice, but says he loved it. Ellen loved his tone, but calls the song a “safe choice.” Kara says he hit all the notes, but says it was boring and “loungey.” Simon says it was almost too much (like 11 scoops of ice cream when you just want one), but overall says it was fine. Lukewarm support from the judges.

=====

Andrew Garcia, “I Heard it Through the Grapevine”

Grade: C

My Take: Andrew’s hair is getting bigger and bigger by the week. Tonight, it’s a bouffant, approaching a beehive. Even more distracting is Andrew’s pseudo-moonwalk he performs on the stage. It looks bizarre before he scoots out of camera range. All that being said, his vocals were decent and it really was a reasonably solid performance. I don’t think Andrew is going to win, but he should be safe after that.

Judges: Randy starts out saying it wasn’t good and it didn’t work. Ellen doesn’t think it was enough and was not a good song choice. Kara thinks Andrew is confused on stage and that he needs to go back and examine what he did that was so right when he sang “Straight Up” that everyone loved. Simon wonders if Andrew’s “Straight Up” was over-rated. He calls the arrangement of this song terrible and says Andrew sucked the soul out of the song. I disagree and don’t think it was nearly that bad.

=====

Katie Stevens, “Big Girls Don’t Cry”

Grade: B

My Take: Big props to Katie for getting out of the oldies rut and singing something really contemporary. She’s put all her energy into smirking and striking poses and trying to exude pop star confidence. That being said, the vocals are somewhat shaky. She sounds really pitchy throughout the song. She plays it big, but it’s like the notes are all just a bit off. Still, she’s more youthful and more fun than she’s ever been so far. She should be safe by mere fact that several others self-immolated tonight.

Judges: Randy thinks it was sharp and pitchy, but he liked it. Ellen says it was her best performance so far. Kara says pop with R&B leanings is where Katie belongs. However, she adds that Katie had “mad” pitch issues. Simon thinks she needs to pursue country music rather than pop, but says it was a good performance.

=====

Casey James, “The Power of Love”

Grade: C

My Take: It’s a great song, but Casey sounds like a poor man’s Huey Lewis. It’s very reminiscent of the original, but doesn’t hit the big notes with quite the same power. Worse yet, Casey just stands there for the entire song. He plays his guitar at times, but is otherwise glued to the stage motionless. It’s supremely boring. Casey has a great voice and a great look, but I am getting bored with his lack of any attempt at having fun — especially with such a rocking good time song as this one.

Judges: Randy thinks Casey performed the song well. Ellen says it was the best vocal of the night. Kara says Casey is at another level and ready to record an album. Simon says it was old fashioned and an identical version to the Huey Lewis original. He says it was like watching an 80s cover band. I agree with Simon 100 percent.

=====

Didi Benami, “You’re No Good”

Grade: D

My Take: When Didi finds the right song and the right mindset, she’s fantastic. But when she misses the mark, she really misses. (Think “Lean on Me.”) I think tonight’s performance is more the latter. There was nothing cool or dark or dangerous about this performance. Rather, Didi slinked around the stage acting like a vamp, but seeming like a scared school girl. Her vocals were fine. Nothing to write home about. She’s going to be safe, but I like it when Didi surprises me and there was nothing surprising about this performance.

Judges: Randy thinks it was very pitchy. Ellen doesn’t like the song choice. Kara thinks she was playing a character and it wasn’t really Didi. It left Kara confused. Simon says there was an irony to her singing “You’re no good.” (In other words, she was no good.)

=====

Siobhan Magnus, “Superstition”

Grade: A

My Take: Wonderful performance by Siobhan. After last week’s crazy “Paint it Black,” I thought Siobhan might take another song and drive it off the deep end too. Instead, she performs a solid, journeyman’s version of “Superstition.” Until the end, she keeps the histrionics under control and demonstrates her rock solid vocals. She’s like Crystal only with a thousand times more stage presence and personality. I could have done without the big “scream” note at the end. She’s done it three weeks in a row and it’s becoming a bit predictable.

Judges: Randy calls her fearless and says it was great. Ellen wants to see more and loves her. Kara says Siobhan is more comfortable on stage than anywhere and thinks the end note was amazing. Simon thinks voters will be split on that performance and doesn’t think she hit the notes all that well. He also comments on the scream being her thing and that she needs to change it up.

=====

Here’s my line-up of tonight’s performances — best to worst:

Crystal Bowersox
Siobhan Magnus
Michael Lynche

Katie Stevens
Aaron Kelly
Lee Dewyze
Casey James
Andrew Garcia

Didi Benami
Tim Urban
Paige Miles

=====

I think Paige is by far in the greatest trouble tonight. Her performance set a new low for Idol contestants in recent memory. I will be terribly surprised if she survives. Didi could be in danger after her weak night and even Andrew Garcia should be looking over his shoulder. Tim Urban also blew, but I think the “Tiger Beat” looks are going to carry him a bit further — fair or not.

What say you, America? Who would you send home and who was your favorite of the night?

Until Wednesday… adieu!